Treading Water

The last 10 days have been a doozy. Birthdays, house guests, sledding trips gone awry. I've been busy plotting & planning & then cleaning up the mess of disaster after disaster. Wondering why I bother to plot & plan.

It all started when I backed out of my friend's driveway...directly into her neighbors car. ugh. For the record the car was directly behind me...and in what I hope was a blind spot, but I'm not really sure because I was busy calling my other friend to discuss weekend plans.

oops.

One thousand dollars later, we find ourselves sledding for Zack's birthday.

It was the best of days...it was the worst of days.

Actually it was just the worst of days.

Basically we spent 8 hours in the car for 45 minutes of sledding, a Quizno's sub sandwich & a McFlurry treat on the way home.

awesome.

156 loads of laundry later {because that is how many loads it takes after 45 minutes of sledding}, I am cleaning files off my computer to free up disk space. All the while thinking I really need to get an external hard drive for my 16,000+ pictures, which is really the problem.

Sometimes prayers are answered in mysterious ways.

I accidentally deleted all 16,000+ pictures.

Gone.

Put the file in the trash can.

Emptied the trash can.

I know. How dumb can you get? I wanted to poke my eyes out I was so mad.

$300 dollars later & a day at the mac store I have my external hard drive & a percentage of my pictures.

I was mad. And was starting to feel sorry for myself. Because I didn't want to spend that money on someone else's car, or recovering pictures I already had.

I wanted to spend it on an entertainment center & I had all plotted & planned out.

Until I went to pick up said computer...

There was a mom in there with her 3 kids ranging in age from 6-12. The middle child was going bonkers. really bonkers. I admit, my first reaction was to be a bit annoyed. Until a senior citizen started chiding this mother for her children's behavior. That kind of stuff sends me up the wall. Mind you, I was just doing the same thing in my own head!

The senior citizen asked if she was a stay-at-home mom. The mother replied that she worked. The senior citizen indicated that that was probably the problem. Informing her that her children needed her home.

Oh dear.

By this point my skin was crawling...although at the same time I wanted to pull up a chair & watch it all go down.

Until the mother retorted back..."Well I am sure it would be nice to be a stay-at-home mom, but their dad & my husband died last month, so I have to work." She then followed-up by explaining that her middle son had autism...you know the one that was going bonkers, driving everyone in the store crazy.

Punch in the gut.

I was kicking myself for being so quick to judge her. I wanted to scream at the old lady & hug this poor mother! Here she is at the mac store after a full days work, dinner time & approaching bed time. Trying to get her computer fixed & this old lady is giving her grief when she really needs a hug!

Then I get called to collect my computer. The old lady leaves & the mother gets called to be serviced...'someone' had dropped her computer...she had 3 likely suspects. She sends her oldest out to the car with her youngest while she battles the one with autism. He is not a happy camper.

My heart is breaking.

Into a million little pieces.

I wanted to help her. Tell her I'd sit with her kids while she had her computer looked at. Took a break. Something.

Instead, I walked out.

But not before I told her she was doing a good job. Isn't that what we all want to hear? In the midst of the storm that we are doing a good job? Things are falling apart around us, but still we are doing a good job...and sometimes that is all we can do...and that is all that is asked.

I meant for it to just be a passing comment.

But she stopped with tears in her eyes & said, "thank you. So often I hear just the opposite."

I put my arm around her & told her it was okay {like I knew what I was talking about}...that we've all been there {when in fact, I haven't}.

She told me some things about autism & thankfully, I could understand that a bit after my teaching stints in college.

And again, I told her she was doing a good job.

And walked away, with tears in my own eyes, hoping she would find the strength to keep going.

And then I thought about how we are all so willing to be 'tolerant' of alternate lifestyles and on & on & on & wondered why we couldn't be tolerant of the single, working mom whose kids are going freak crazy while she gets her computer fixed.

And while for the last 10 days I've felt like I've been treading water, barely keeping my head above the surface. I am so very grateful to be treading my water & not hers.