yesterday marked 3 months with the little lady. i have to admit, it's been harder than i anticipated & right when i feel like i can do it...i get thrown another curve ball. in the midst of the day when everyone is tired & there is not just one kid screaming at me, but two, i want to run away. run far far away, back to my college life. for some reason, that always seems like the perfect retreat.
but then, i remember that when i was in college, i wanted nothing more than to be where i am at today. i have to remind myself of that. the moments of screaming & chaos {read dinnertime} are just that...moments. they pass & i try to block them out...until it happens again the next day.
but there are also moments like today that i never want to block out.
moments when scoobs sat cuddled up to me on the couch for a good 10 minutes...no tv, no books, just wanting to be held. as i held him in my arms i realized just how big he has gotten. he no longer fits in my lap...his legs are sprawled out dangling off the couch, his arms tucked just so in the most comfy position he can find. it reminded me of that book, Love You Forever where the mom goes in each night to rock her son even as he grows. i'm glad i took the time to just hold him. to run my fingers through his hair. to tickle his back & talk to him about our day.
moments when the boys were gone during dinner time & it was just me & the lady. she was fussy so we turned on some music, danced & twirled & sang through the kitchen. i cannot believe she is mine. we had some great chats her & i while the boys were away. no words were needed. she told me my dancing was in fact lame, i agreed. i told her she was never to trust any boys without my permission & that we'd be best friends...whether she liked it or not. her eyes can pierce the soul & i am so happy to have had some one-on-one time with her...just her.
i can't believe its been 3 months, but really, i'm glad it's been 3 months. i'm starting to rediscover myself again, and it feels good. i think i have to do this after each child, as i'm never the same person i was beforehand, but each time i have to pull off the layers of caretaker & see who i am as a person underneath it all.
i like this person better than the person i was before.
thank you little lady. you make me better. i hope i can do the same for you.
8 comments:
Amen. I really love this. Everytime there is a major life change I think this happens. I have to be grateful for whatever life was before and find myself in life the way it is now. What sweet kiddos you have!
Beautifully expressed! Even after almost 26 years of mothering I need to be reminded just what an extraordinary experience it is--and grandmothering is even better, if possible!
this post was beautiful. it's nice to be reminded of the moments that make this journey worth it... however small and infrequent they may be between the chaos that is becomes status quo. the love your have for your kids is clear, deep and beautiful.
I got a little teary-eyed. Thinking of you and Sissy being good friends. . . awwww, there's nothing a mother wants more. Well written.
sweet post.
sweet, sweet girl.
:)
I am teary. A very sweet post and very rightly put. You are an amazing Mom with beautiful little kiddos! They are lucky
You are a great writer! So sweet! Congrats on a beautiful little girl!! I need to take more time like this and make some moments! Hopefully we'll get to see you guys soon!!
That cursed dinner hour. It is always the worst one indeed. Kids are hungry and fussy and moms patience is wearing thin... I look forward to sitting for an entire uninterupted meal at home someday...
This made me want a little girl so bad that I can taste it!
Lucky :)
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