Moments.

yesterday marked 3 months with the little lady. i have to admit, it's been harder than i anticipated & right when i feel like i can do it...i get thrown another curve ball. in the midst of the day when everyone is tired & there is not just one kid screaming at me, but two, i want to run away. run far far away, back to my college life. for some reason, that always seems like the perfect retreat.

but then, i remember that when i was in college, i wanted nothing more than to be where i am at today. i have to remind myself of that. the moments of screaming & chaos {read dinnertime} are just that...moments. they pass & i try to block them out...until it happens again the next day.

but there are also moments like today that i never want to block out.

moments when scoobs sat cuddled up to me on the couch for a good 10 minutes...no tv, no books, just wanting to be held. as i held him in my arms i realized just how big he has gotten. he no longer fits in my lap...his legs are sprawled out dangling off the couch, his arms tucked just so in the most comfy position he can find. it reminded me of that book, Love You Forever where the mom goes in each night to rock her son even as he grows. i'm glad i took the time to just hold him. to run my fingers through his hair. to tickle his back & talk to him about our day.

moments when the boys were gone during dinner time & it was just me & the lady. she was fussy so we turned on some music, danced & twirled & sang through the kitchen. i cannot believe she is mine. we had some great chats her & i while the boys were away. no words were needed. she told me my dancing was in fact lame, i agreed. i told her she was never to trust any boys without my permission & that we'd be best friends...whether she liked it or not. her eyes can pierce the soul & i am so happy to have had some one-on-one time with her...just her.

i can't believe its been 3 months, but really, i'm glad it's been 3 months. i'm starting to rediscover myself again, and it feels good. i think i have to do this after each child, as i'm never the same person i was beforehand, but each time i have to pull off the layers of caretaker & see who i am as a person underneath it all.

i like this person better than the person i was before.

thank you little lady. you make me better. i hope i can do the same for you.

This Week

This little cutie pie as been doing a whole lot of this:
I've been waiting for the light to come on behind those eyes & finally its here. She's officially a little person now & all the late night feedings were worth it.

Sweet girl. I love you.

Loving Her...

I am sharing the good with the bad. And I've put off my "bad" post. Well put it off no more!

Livs marked 5 weeks yesterday. The witching week if you will where my sleep deprivation & her increased alertness collide. The countdown to week 6 which in my mind marks "making it" & coming out of the woods & a schedule just on the horizon. Wednesday was a doozy...but Thursday a new day. Why are their worst days followed by their best?

But I regress as this post really isn't about Livs. It is about her evil counterpart, Scoobs. Last night Livs slept an unprecedented 7 hours straight. She then woke up to eat, which took a total of 30 minutes & she was off to dreamland again for 3 hours. I went to bed 1 hour after her & if I add that up I could have had a grand total of 9 hours of sleep. I'm salivating just thinking about it, yet I only logged my usual 5.5.

Why you ask? Scoobs. He was awake & making his presence known from 12:30 - 3:00 am.

Seriously. He's lucky to be alive. I have no idea what his deal was except that he wanted milk. Which I resisted & then gave in to...twice.

I am desperate for a Sonic Diet Coke & yet have sworn off caffeine while nursing.

I will be wasting my day away by the pool {i know...not a bad way to spend a bad day} wearing out a certain 2-year-old & strategizing to get both kids sleeping this afternoon so that their mother doesn't go freak crazy on them.

Curse you sleepless nights.

Don't kill me...
but I love it. I suppose this is what happens when dad is out of town for too long.

Plus...these two are only 7 weeks apart in age {the babies...not my sis & I}. Granted Tanner might be a bit of a chunk {my sister always gets the cute chubby babies} but wow...only 7 more weeks & Miss Lu will look more like him. It goes fast. We were going to have them have their "first swim" together, but I was a lame-o & forgot her bathing suit...and she fell asleep. oh well...I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities seeing as it has been over 100 degrees for the last 12 days & we aren't even out of May yet...sigh.

Grateful for Tomorrows

I'll be honest...the recovery with the miss has been a bit rougher than it was with Scoobs...both physically & emotionally. My incision is worse this go-around & frankly, chasing a two-year-old in between hasn't helped. My emotions have seemed to be on a roller coaster as well as I grapple with my physical inability to take care of Scoobs how I want to. It's a bummer.

Thankfully, Scot's mom was in town & "on duty" round the clock with Scoobs. I think it's fair to say, he wore her out...as well as the rest of us. Since then my mom has picked up where she left off. Thank heavens for our moms...or where would I be?!?

With all the help you'd wonder why I've even struggled a bit, but I've found myself torn between the two kids. Who goes first? Who gets my full attention right now? Who has to cry?

I'm not used to struggling with these kinds of things. I'm a straight forward...it is what it is kind of girl & I realize that neither of them are going to die from a few tears, but man, it's been harder than I thought.

And while there has been some wallowing on my part, there has also been lots of progress.

When I felt myself really struggling on Sunday I called my dad & Scot {they were at my nephew's baby blessing} and had them come home afterwards to give me a blessing. I did not want to continue in my wallowing & I knew I needed some extra help there as well as some help in my physical healing.

The mantra that has continued through my head since then is, "Tomorrow is always better than today." When I feel myself getting tired. When the pain starts to set in. When I can't quite help Scoobs the way I want to. I remember tomorrow will be better than today.

That is the miracle of the human body. Really, the healing of the human body is miraculous to me. Every day there is a marked improvement from the day before. Yesterday I managed to lift Scoobs into his chair at the kitchen table...I couldn't do that a few days before. I also managed to sleep in my own bed again...prior to last night I couldn't get in & out of my own bed...it's too high & too soft. But last night...I managed it.

Everyday is getting better.

And everyday I enjoy this girl more & more. Last night I missed out on some extra sleep & just held her for a couple hours...she hasn't gotten enough of that treatment!

How cute is she? She has been a perfect little gem. She doesn't fuss unnecessarily & she's already finding her fingers...go baby go!
She's also shown that she can hang by the pool. Phew. That is a biggie around here.

And the best part? Tomorrow will be even better.

PS: If you know my kiddos by name, that is probably because I like you. Please don't refer to them by name in your comments. Thanks!

The Sis Has Arrived

and all is well on the home front.

Our appointment for the C-Section was at 6 am, which meant we had to be at the hospital at 4 am, which meant we had to be up at 3:30 am.

Sigh.

But we did it & I figured better to get it done & over with than have to sit an entire day anticipating it, which I think is the worst part.

When we got to the hospital, they got me all checked in & squared away...the blood drawn, the IV's in {ugh} & I met the "team" that would be delivering my baby. My mom showed up & her & Scot were laughing, chatting & taking pictures of me in my unhappy state.

Truth be told...about this time the panic started to set in. All the C-section memories from Scoob came rushing back & in my head I was trying to think of something...anything to get me out of being wheeled down that hallway.

And while I didn't have to be wheeled {they let me walk myself to my own doom} I was still frantic. I was giving myself mental pep talks..."It will be fine....just think, soon this will be all over...you won't be pregnant anymore...take a deep breath...just relax."

I have to say the pep talks worked. I managed to get through my spinal not only once, but twice. Lucky me got two! I was initially scared to have the second {since they didn't give me enough on the first & I could still feel things}, but the first was working enough that I didn't even feel the 2nd. And after that...I hardly even felt the pressure. Maybe 2 is the way to go.

The delivery went smooth & she was out in what seemed like no time...belting out a serious cry. They brought her around to let me take a peek & then she was off to get cleaned up...after which I was able to see her again for a second.
She & dad went out to the recovery room to wait for me to get all put back together again & then I could join them.

Let me tell you...I was thrilled to get on the other side of those operating doors!!! Phew.
A little swollen...but oh so glad to be on the other side of the surgery! We hunkered down in the recovery room for about an hour while the missus got her bath & fed. With Scoobs I missed all this while I was in surgery...they have since changed the procedure & I have to say it is much better. I sat & ate ice chips while she got her bath. perfect.Scoobs came to greet his sissy shortly after we made it to our room & he did awesome. He was, of course enamored with all the cords & machines, but seems to have taken a liking to her as well.
We had all sorts of other visitors as well...namely these two...
and this guy.

We made it home today & are trying to get settled in as a family of four. I'm not certain what to call the miss on here, yet...but she is fantastic. Sweet, cuddly & I think we all agree she looks a lot like her older brother. I'm hoping she has an ounce of toughness in her because Scoobs has yet to demonstrate an ounce of gentleness. Thus far, she seems to be willing to let him continue in the spotlight & is content to take a back seat.

We'll see how long this lasts!

Thanks for all the love, support & well wishes. We feel so very blessed to have this little girl hanging around here.

PS: If you know my kiddos by name, that is probably because I like you. Please don't refer to them by name in your comments. Thanks!

The Name Game...

This sis is still nameless. I have a list of 12 names that are still on the list. Some need to be removed, but alas still there they sit. I wasn't going to have everyone weigh in, but since she is still nameless & there is a chance you are holding my name inspiration...here is the list. Vote. Veto. Add to it. Whatever.

Abigail Scot {Abby for short}
Bella Scot
Addison Scot {are you noticing a trend on the middle name?}
Claire...oh wait...no good middle name yet for this one.
Piper May
Presley Scot
Sadie May
Avery Scot
Lauryn Scot
London or Londyn Scot
Marley Scot
Olivia Scot

Phew...all 12. There you have it. Please inspire me.

Oh another one I thought to like a day or two ago...Tallyson Scot. So really there are 13 I suppose.

PS: If you know my kiddos by name, that is probably because I like you. Please don't refer to them by name in your comments. Thanks!

Names???

Scot & I have had several inquiries as to what this kiddos name will be...and to be honest we haven't even discussed it one bit. Okay, I take that back...Sunday over lunch we discussed it with my family. But really it was more of a laugh sesh of stupid names & what ifs...so it doesn't really count. I suppose that is what happens when it is Christmas, we're moving & there is a 2 year-old in the mix...no time!

So far the only two names that have been discussed are Piper & Marley. I really loved Piper before I found out it was a girl, but now that it is really a girl I am second guessing myself. Will she hate me when she is 25 & applying for a job & her name is Piper??? I don't know...that name needs to marinate a bit...and please don't be too harsh in your criticism of it, because it may turn out to be her name! And Marley, that is my mom's favorite...I don't know about that one yet. I like it a lot, but it just isn't clicking for me...again, it needs to marinate a bit.

With Zack, I heard the name & that was it. He was Zack. It took a while to get to finding the name Zack, but once we both heard it, we instantly loved it. And it just suits him. I am hoping the same thing happens with this one. Regardless, Scot will have to read the whole name book...and no, I am not kidding. :)

Soo, send me all your ideas. It can be crazy, cute, whatever -- we have no thoughts on the topic yet & I could use some ideas to get my brain going.

Oh another name I like is Claire, but Scot is a no-go on that one. crap.

And by the way, I probably won't tell you what we decide until the sissy gets here...so, it can be a little surprise.